To Forgive Is Difficult

November 2007

    In my dealings with parents, I have found a certain pattern, especially among the women, that is to say, among the mothers.  Over and over again I have heard a variation of the following: “I was in agreement with the Church about getting rid of capital punishment—until I had a child.  Now, if anyone should hurt my child, he should definitely be put to death!”  The last time I heard this was on Catholic Lobby Day, April 24, when some 600 of us visited the halls of Sacramento’s Capitol Building to push Catholic values.

I indicated to the staff member we were talking to that she should distinguish between moral values and emotional feelings.  No question: a mother’s love is a passionate love, as our pope has indicated in his Deus caritas est.  And these feelings are true and good.  But they should not be confused with principles of moral decision.
    This distinction is essential again if we are to discuss the mass killings at Virginia Tech.

A double killing at an early hour with thirty more two hours later.  Was there a connection?  Were there two killers?  What could possibly be the reason for this slaughter?  Many questions were asked in those first hours of confusion.  And then NBC began to show sections of a tape it had received from a young Cho Seung-Hui, a student at the university, and the person responsible for the deaths.

Many of us were horrified at NBC for running the tape.  Personally I was grateful, for until that moment all I knew is that some “person” killed thirty-two students and faculty members.  After listening, however, I recognized him as my brother, a very hurt, broken, sick brother.  Nothing he said made much sense.  I could not understand his actions, but I felt sorry for him.   He was my brother.

I could have tried to understand: maybe it had to do with his immigrating to a new country, maybe he could not deal with the language change or the new schools.  I don’t know and I really do not care.  He was broken by someone, something, and that was enough for me.  For he was my brother.

Yes, he grievously hurt thirty-two people and their families and their friends—and there is no excuse for all the pain that he caused.  But he is my brother.   Virginia Tech knows this for someone arranged 32 two white stones in a ring as a memorial for those who died, and then a thirty-third white stone was added, for thirty-three Hokies died that day.

Jesus told us something about forgiveness and community and bringing people together.  A phrase I like is “solidarity practiced in faith.”  Jesus lived for it, he died for it, and he rose for it.  If we want to rise with him, as difficult as it may be, we will forgive.